If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
