We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
