Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
