Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize