Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize