You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
