Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
