i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
