So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
