So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
