His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
