So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
