having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
