What did we do last night that was yellow?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize