hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
