i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
