based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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