so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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