I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
