is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
