its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
what day is it and did you see me today?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
