after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
