I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
