I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
