we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize