Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
