i just had sex bonerless
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
