he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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