I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
