Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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