8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
