I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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