You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
