just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
