Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
