Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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