doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
