I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
