from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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