Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
