The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
