R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
