His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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