What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
