New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Randomize
