Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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