I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
