You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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