your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
