im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have fence marks all over my body
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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