Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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