I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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