Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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