He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
