We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
