going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
