Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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