she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
