We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
