I could have mohawked her pubes.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
