i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
