ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
