Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
