His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize