i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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