is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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