Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
