You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
