i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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