my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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