I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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