My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
