the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
