She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
