i used baking grease as lip gloss
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
porn star boner night. come get it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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